grieving.

friends, God thoughts

this year seems to be full of tragic or sudden loss. since january, my immediate family has been deeply affected by five deaths. young or old, healthy or sick…it hasn’t mattered. life is so fragile.

yesterday, i received a phone call about one of my brothers’ good friends from high school. chad apparently fell out of the bed of a pick-up truck while it was moving and died of serious head injuries. he was 30 years old. i don’t know where he stood with his relationship with God.

this is so hard to process. out of all of my brothers’ friends, he was the one that would sit and talk to my parents and the little annoying sisters even if my brothers weren’t home. he had a contagious laugh and a magnetic personality. everyone wanted to be his friend. at one point, i had a huge crush on him. :o)

as i look back, i wonder how i could have been more open about God. how many times do i censor my heart in front of people because i don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable? ugh. my heart breaks in light of all of the missed opportunities that are gone.

i don’t know everything and i don’t have all of the answers. i’m scared of what people will say or think about me. i don’t want to be rejected. sadly, i let these fears and weaknesses that EVERYONE has stop me from reaching out to people. in hindsight, i would talk more openly with chad. i don’t have that opportunity anymore, but there are a lot more opportunities around me daily.

what is it going to take? when will i wake up and really start living each moment as if it was my last?

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