brutal. that would be the word to describe listening to my first studio recording. no joke.
i have been battling quite a bit of fear regarding these auditions. i made a list of best-case scenarios and worst-case scenarios to help prepare me for anything. well, throughout yesterday as i prepared myself and practiced, i prayed for God’s strength.
fast forward to the audition…here is the scoop. nerves were getting to me, but i was trying my hardest to push them aside and worship. my voice was wavering and i forgot the words to the second verse. by the second song, i felt a little more comfortable. we then listened to my recordings. like i said before, brutal.
the grace offered to me was astounding. i was blown away by God’s strength in that time to not break down or shut down my emotions. i felt validated and valued while my voice was being critiqued.
the bottom line: my biggest fear of my worst-case scenario had come true. BUT i felt victorious. i knew that God wanted me to take a step towards being on worship team. in some regards i could have felt devastated by my attempt, but rather i was reminded that this is a process. i felt peace through the fact that my biggest fear wasn’t as bad as i thought it would be.
lately my life consists of being stretched and pulled out of my comfort zone in most regards. while i know that He is refining me and helping me grow, it isn’t very comfortable or always fun. yesterday i learned a valuable lesson that i pray that i will never forget.
the picture i see is this: a baby learning how to walk who is excited and focused on her proud parent waiting with open arms. the expectation of perfection or getting it right the first time DOESN’T exist. i hear giggles and loud praise for the attempts. i see hugs and reassurance when she falls.
i want to continue to live life this way. the freedom i experienced through my failure yesterday overwhelms me and gives me strength to face my hectic looming summer. i will continue to pursue this dream.