tonight when kobe and i were playing in the backyard, he became very distracted by something. after a few minutes i decided to investigate and found a wounded little mouse. kobe wasn’t helping matters much, so i decided to grab some cardboard to scoop the little guy up and dispose of him. my initial plan to just dump him in the trash waned as i watched him struggle to breathe. both then and now as i’m typing this, tears filled my eyes. i didn’t want him to suffer. praying over him as he laid there, i struggled with my emotions.
i don’t particularly like mice. God does. He took time to design them and gave them a specific job. they aren’t “socially acceptable” and i tend to think they are little dirty scroungers. BUT God moved my heart.
on my way to church tonight and throughout the service, i was frustrated and discouraged. i had the day off and accomplished nothing. wait, no…i spent all day in “coping” mode. since i didn’t have to do anything, i tried to forget life. sometimes that can be okay, but i passed my time with meaningless nothings. i read a fiction book, watched too much tv and snacked on food constantly. my complacency to be lazy fueled my choices to do things that i shouldn’t have done. a gorgeous day filled with potential was wasted as i tried to forget my worries instead of giving them to God.
i didn’t feel worthy to worship. i made several decisions today contrary to what i knew i should do. the distance between God and i seemed to great because of my willing disobedience. i was unsettled as i got home tonight and after observing the mouse two things are really running through my mind.
Jesus died on the cross for ALL my sins. i know, i know. i should have known this by now. :o) but get this. when he died, all of my sins and bad choices were in the future. the significance: i have always felt an underlying pressure to never sin again or it may be the last straw. one more time and He may not be so merciful. but the truth is that He died for it all. (however, this isn’t to say that i shouldn’t try to stop my sinful behaviors.)
oh, and just to clarify, this is not a picture of my mouse but a random picture off of the internet. :o)