turmoil.

God thoughts

amidst the excitement of talia’s wedding, i felt attacked and discouraged about my life. i feel stuck, not being able to live the life i’ve always dreamed of. for as long as i can remember, i have dreamt about being married and starting a family. thankfully, after some wise words from my dad, i was able to fully enjoy the entire week of wedding fun. now that i’m home, i have time to process. oh goodie.

(fun posts about the jubilant celebration will be coming soon…i want to include the pictures.)

there seems to be HUGE obstacles between where i am today and where i would like to be. discouragement presses in as i realize my own weaknesses and the height of the mountains surrounding me. impossibilities come to mind as i allow lies of the enemy to hit me in the most vunerable places in my heart.

i want to run. away from situations, my insecurities, financial stress, and life in general. i realize though that i would be running away from things that keep me grounded and sane. friends, family and a job that i LOVE. i don’t know where i would go. the place that i desire doesn’t really exist here on earth. i would still be me. the same wounds, obnoxious habits and goofy tendancies.

so here i stay. knowing that God has a plan, but frustrated with His timing. i’m struggling with trusting that His way is the best. i hate that my faith is like a rollercoaster with the ups and downs, changing by the minute. i desire peace, but feel like i have to cling to what i have so tightly.

i need prayer. at any given moment, my emotions can range from both extremes of happy to frustrated and upset. when people ask how i’m doing, i sometimes say “fine” because i don’t want to talk about it. other times i want to talk, but instead of words, tears pour out.

this season of life that God has me in is probably the hardest and most frustrating that i’ve experienced so far in my 25 years, but it has also been so key to my faith and relationship with God. please be assured that this is not a life and death situation for me. now more than ever, i need to cling to God and place all of my faith and hope in Him; be fully abandoned to His plans for my life. please join me in praying for the strength to keep trusting Him despite undesirable circumstances.

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