two years.

a year ago today i wrote this.

and i’m still waiting…for this promise.

730 days of knowing, seeking and constantly changing emotions.  times of clarity and piles of doubts.

i’m going to be honest with you.  today was rough (even after a pint of ben & jerry’s).  patience is wearing thin as i tire of the waiting process.  bitterness about the whole situation is creeping in as i realized the other day that i wish i didn’t have the promise at all.  frustration about the unwanted bitterness adds to the daily battle to keep trusting in God’s faithfulness.

my birthday is coming in a couple weeks.  mixed emotions overwhelm me as i think about where i figured i would be at this point in my life.  i never imagined i would still be single when i turned 26.

i don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but i dread it.  i don’t want to fight the doubts or my emotions any longer.  desperate words begging God for a vacation from everything will be on my lips tonight as the tears quietly slide off my face onto my pillow.

please pray that these words invade the storm and bring clarity and peace.

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.  I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.  Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 
 Lamentations 3:19-26

2 thoughts on “two years.

  1. Charis,

    You are such an amazing lady. I am so please to know you! I love to hear your life in blog form. You are in that waiting period where you want to just pull your hair out. I understand that. But the blessing in the end is SOOO worth it!

    You can do it. I know!

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