the waves in life have been violent and volatile lately.
i should jump in and enjoy the adventure of it all.
(i wanted to be out there surfing SO bad…)
the things right in front of me overwhelm me merely by how big i perceive them to be.
desperate for instant results, i think things are complete or whole. closer inspection reveals the truth and i realize i didn’t see what i thought i did and i’m sorely disappointed.
since three pints of Ben & Jerry’s over the last two weeks have not alleviated any stress, i decided to escape last saturday. the urge to run from life had consumed me so i settled for a day trip to cannon beach. in the process of shutting everyone out, my tunnel vision had focused only on the frustrations.
for the first time, i’m realizing some blatant places of unbelief in my relationship with God. my mouth has professed my faith in His goodness and sovereignty but my actions and heart declare self-sufficiency and distrust. i’m easily devastated when changes need to happen which are not in my plan. circumstances that move me opposite of where i want to go disrail my trust in God’s wisdom.
my heart is raw and emotions come swiftly and harshly. i need to let go, but i feel everything i hope for, dream about and already possess will be ripped away. this tug-of-war is tearing me apart.
while warming up with hot chocolate, i had a little chat with God. it was quite a step after a week of giving Him the cold shoulder because i was mad. perspective became the reoccuring theme as i thought about the pictures i took that morning and the way i felt life had been going. God reassured me that He is bigger than any relationship, financial problems or stress i could ever have.
changes are coming. tough decisions have been made. i am blessed by God’s provision.
when will i start learning things the easy way? another reoccuring theme…