insecure.

God thoughts, who am i?
last week i had the opportunity to listen to Graham Cooke. several statements he made struck chords deep in my heart and have challenged my perspective on many things. God has been using those words and the situations in my life to stir things up a little bit.

my sense of worth has always been a struggle for me. being unsure of that, i have tended to be insecure in most relationships since about middle school. betrayal and rejection have fueled the feelings of worthlessness and most of my pain has somehow been connected to those wounds.

last night a fresh perspective was birthed through my tears as i was crying out. instead of trying to control and regulate the external details, maybe i should deal with the junk in my heart. ugh…such a simple concept that i thought i had already learned.

with these raw wounds, it doesn’t take much to cause me more pain. what i am realizing though is that people’s actions (or lack of actions) that hurt me are usually caused more by how i perceive them, not necessarily the heart motives behind the action. these broken glasses skew my vision and distort everything along the same lines.

no matter how perfect and loving my friends are, if i don’t realize my worth in God’s eyes, i will never be able to accept their love for what it is.

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