a never-ending vicious cycle.

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here i am again.  frustrated that i’m not living up to the standards i’ve placed on myself.  in a nutshell, this is what happens…

i envision an ideal goal for myself (for example: read my bible everyday) and i take off with the petal to the metal.

for a time, i strive SO hard to accomplish said goal.

something (or possibly even nothing) gets in the way and my motivation fizzles out.

days pass without giving the situation much thought.

guilt sets in.  how long has it been since i _____ ?  ugh…

procrastination and perfectionism rear their ugly heads.  fear of failure (again) delays the next attempt.

and on and on it goes…

tonight i’m hanging out in the procrastination zone.  it drives me nuts to realize that i failed in the same area yet again.  to be honest i think tonight is one of the first times that i thought about EVERYONE dealing with this and that it is just part of being human (it amazes me how ridiculous that sounds.  i know people aren’t perfect but sometimes i forget that other people struggle with things like i do.  does that make sense?).

i am going to fail.  no matter how hard i try, it will never be good enough.

here’s the kicker:  how long do i let guilt and fear freeze my forward motion?  what good does it do me to sit and sulk about where i am when i could just keep walking?

It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on…
Philippians 3:13-14

new mercy and compassion is available to be poured out on me every time i roll out of bed.  i can’t change what happened yesterday but i can choose whether or not it will hold me back from living today.

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One thought on “a never-ending vicious cycle.

  1. wow, it seems so timely that i stumbled upon your blog and read your post today. i can't tell you how much i relate to what you're talking about, that struggle against perfectionism and fear of failure, the attempts, the guilt, the procrastination… and then, hopefully, the reminder that I'm not alone in this, that God indeed is a God who allows us not to be consumed. thanks for baring your soul.

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