my journey over the past few months brings me back here. my desire to write has been rekindled as i realize that this is where my heart thrives. sometimes the words flow freely like tears down my face and others seem like lost treasures that i have to find. either way, they are a part of me.
i really don’t know where to start. the jumbled mess of emotions and experiences have a depth that even i don’t always see. the beauty that surrounds all of this is knowing that God has a strategic and stunning plan through all the chaos. i’m discovering that this season is not just a transitional time between my time with YWAM and my next big adventure…my job is not just a filler until i find a way to live out my passions…every moment and opportunity is orchestrated for me to dwell exactly where i need to be.
it has been almost a month already since the last major earthquake in the foundations of my heart. another typical tuesday morning at work was unfolding when one of my co-workers didn’t show up on time for her shift. casual assumptions about over-sleeping or writing her schedule down wrong eventually were dismissed and phone calls were made. it wasn’t until later that day that it really sunk in that she was missing. the next few days dragged on with a lot of unanswered questions, fear and anguish. by friday night the police had made an arrest in her murder.
the heartache that this world sometimes brings can seem unbearable. the loss of someone you love is always hard, but i’ve realized the loss of my friend Whitney brings the biggest opportunity to walk out forgiveness in my life so far. it is proving to be a daily process that i’m stumbling along and occasionally fighting against. oh how i hate the evil choices that people make.
after a couple weeks of feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me, the last week or so has allowed me to take a couple of deep breaths. the sharp pains have subsided and made way for the dull ache of a wound that hasn’t quite healed yet. my life altering moments tend to usher in seasons of new clarity and focus as the little things that usually occupy my worries and energies fade to reveal what is really important to me.
investing love into the lives of the people around me is what matters. at the end of the day i want to know that i purposefully spoke encouragement and life to the ones whom i saw or whoever God brought to mind.
and so i keep walking because today is teeming with opportunity.